Laos has made me confront my age head on. According to Wikipedia, the median age of the Lao population is 23, one of the youngest in Asia. (The median age in the United States is 38). At work, there are only two people slightly older than me, and it seems that the majority of people are young enough to be my children. It forces me to think about my age, experience, and what it means. Expats appear to skew young - 20s and 30s, idealistic, starting out in life, eager to make a difference in the world. Then there are the older expat men who have taken up with young Asian women. I could write a blog post on that, but I’ll spare you. I have also met a few other expat, single women around my age, who are kind, interesting, fun people with great lives here. The tourists seem to fall into two groups - young backpackers in their 20s, and older, retired folks in their 60s and up. There is also a small contingent of tourists in their 30s, traveling with small (5 years and under) children. I can’t imagine traveling here with young children. Just no. Maybe I’m not as adventurous as I think. Or maybe I can imagine it - I’ve had small children and generally thought of “vacations” with them as taking the show on the road. It was fun, but also a lot of work, so we usually stayed close to home, and went with friends. I digress...
I sometimes feel like an oddity here - a 54 year old, single woman traveling alone. I am an oddity. I don’t generally feel old, in fact, I usually think of myself as being around 35. (HA!) I’m healthy, I’m curious about the world, I like adventure, I like to have fun and learn new things. But the fact is, I’m not that young. I may even be approaching “old”. But what does that mean? On the one hand, it’s just a number, a statistic. Certainly, I’ve had more life experiences than people in their 20s and 30s. It’s really enjoyable to be around people this age - to see their enthusiasm, to hear about their hopes, dreams, fears. When I was in my 20s and early 30s I thought people in their 50s and up were old. How foolish and young of me to think that. I like being my age. It’s a good time - my kids are beginning to forge their own paths, I have wisdom and experience to navigate life’s ups and downs, I know myself better, I’m far less fearful than I’ve ever been. I think age is an attitude towards life. It’s sometimes difficult to keep a good attitude after experiencing life’s traumas, tragedies, and ennui. No one gets through life without experiencing that. Maybe being old is giving up, letting innate curiosity die, stopping learning, retreating, letting the BS grind you down. The other factor that can make a person feel old is society and culture. The US is a youth focused culture. Women my age become invisible. Our social capital declines. I’m not going to let any of that bother me. I feel like a new life is beginning, although I’m wiser. I have no age.
